The problem with Adobe

Originally posted May 5th, 2010

This time sent to the ‘smart people at (Company A)’

The problem is not that so much what I wrote, but that (Company A) and everyone who has used (Company A) products already knows it. (Company A) ignores the customer when it comes to support their currently released products, and ‘addresses’ problems (albeit cherry-picked) as ‘new features’ in their next product. This is where the ‘sin’ of feigning ignorance meets low-sales. Addressing customer issues by making them shell out thousands of dollars on an update (renamed upgrade) is just plain dumb. Customers know this, (Company A) knows that customers know this (if they take time to read the support forums), and yet they refuse to adapt their business model. If anything, this economy should serve as a wake-up call, and yet (Company A) is still pretending to sleep and hoping nobody notices.

This is not a complaint. We’re people who want to help our company. We are people who can’t work in an environment where they can’t make a difference. Corporate ladders be damned. If the people in the middle aren’t moving they’re useless in a sinking ship.

To quote from Geoffrey Moore:

“-risk reduction is often a form of camouflage used by underperforming and disaffected employees who seek to avoid accountability or act out their frustrations in minor acts of passive-aggressive terrorism, pulling down anything that ventures to soar up. This creates huge frustration among leaders who cannot understand why everyone does not collaborate for the greater good… In order to break away, we must overcome risk-reduction mentality and lack of corporate alignment. Neither is a natural act.”

Now, I’m not privy to what’s going on in the BU’s heads/meetings, but what I do know is the output of them, and frankly, it’s crap. It’s not making (Company A) money, it’s lowering customer satisfaction and adoption rates, etc.. By being risk-adverse they’re actually increasing risk in the competitive market.

There are a lot of smart people at (Company A) who know this. It’s not rocket-science. It’s fear that’s keeping them from being pro-active. Like in any hierarchical system, people are so afraid of upsetting their bosses that they end up outputting what they think they’re boss ‘wants’ and aren’t doing their job. They’re afraid to ‘disagree’ and so presentations are catered to what they think others want to hear. Job security/personal issues aside, this doesn’t help an employee’s growth and it definitely doesn’t help their company to succeed.

It’s not about idealism, and ‘fighting an oppressive force’. It’s about stepping back and seeing things from the customer’s perspective if you truly care about your and your company’s success. We’re getting plenty of ‘input’, and aren’t succeeding because our ‘output’ isn’t inline with it.

I agree that we need to have a ‘procedural methodology’, especially in a company as large as ours, but we need to adapt it so that things can actually be done.

The CEO, Big Boss B, Big Boss C, are fellow CO-WORKERS. They’re not gods, and they (we) shouldn’t think of themselves as such. As history has shown us, while through politics or business, good leaders know the value of those who work with them to innovate and grow. Leaders who rule through fear and intimidation eventually see their empire crumble around them.

So again, it’s not idealism which drives my mails, but knowing that if we don’t change our output, the company we work for WILL fail.

Scotland

Originally posted on May 5th, 2010

My trip abroad has given me a new perspective. Its given me a glimpse out of this looping tunnel which has been spiraling down as of late, and has allowed me to get a better understanding of where the ‘new leadership’ views my role in the company. Its given me a better understanding of the man in charge, his vision, and though I’ll not venture to say my perceptions are entirely accurate, I don’t feel that I have time to find out. At this point I feel that its safe to say that the experience of working on the CS4 website, and the creative influence that I had on it will be diminished in the re-org of my team. I’ve felt it for awhile, but I could never pin-point what it was that made me feel unsatisfied with work. The alarm started to go off when, instead of looking forward to the work-week, I started looking forward to the weekends. It rang, when I sent out emails attempting to evoke change. Subconsciously I was sending a ‘feeler’ out, testing the water, and found it was tepid. As with every company I’ve worked with, finding when its ‘time’ isn’t as easy as waking up and ‘knowing’. It begins on an emotional level. You feel a nagging sense of discomfort. You have trouble sleeping. You find yourself doubting the influence of your work. The creative mind starts with a whisper and crescendos into a a scream for help, manifested in the form of depression. Deep down inside you realize that you’re not pushing yourself to your limits, and you hate yourself for it. Although the feeling is similar, there’s a difference between insecurity and self-doubt. Insecurity is the frustration one feels because they lack experience. Self-doubt comes from not knowing what it is that is holding you back from being who you were before -you have the experience and skill to do something, but you don’t have the direction nor the knowledge of where to go.

I previously criticized those mentors who I felt had ‘given up’ on doing great work, but now I realize that they just got tired. The older you get, the harder it is to keep up, and the easier it becomes to direct. That coupled with the monetary incentives has enough to let go. Why be masochistic about it, when you can be rich and comfortable?

Creation and innovation is hard work. Its emotionally-charged, and because of that, it’s unstable and exhausting to keep going. Unlike other things in life, the act of creation gets harder the older you become. Its easier for the young to find inspiration in life because they lack experience. They ‘see’ things that the older have become blind to. They have the energy to see things through. Their insecurity gives them this. It feeds the need to prove themselves to the world, and the end product is not only glorious, but exhilarating.

Going back to the older creators, I don’t want to give the impression of ‘jadedness’. For, even though some of us take that perspective, a lot of us want to continue to create. Whether its takes the form of enabling those who are inexperienced or taking the self-immolating path of pushing forward, is dependent upon the individual.

There’s a part of me which is feeling the exhaustion. Scales are forming cataracts over my ‘mental eyes’ and my path is harder to see. Its like being extremely tired and seeing a bed. It’d be so easy to fall upon it.

Simplicity

Originally posted on May 5th, 2010

What makes a web page successful? The fact is that, no matter how much space/technology, you have at your disposal. Nothing will sell if the experience isn’t simple, and this especially applies to the web.

A lot of what I’m about to write isn’t new, and goes without saying. However ‘going without saying’ is a part of the problem. Ironically, one of the huge barriers to attaining simplicity is our intellect. We know our product. Our product sells because it is so powerful, has so many uses, and does ‘everything’ when complementing suites. We know this and we want to sell our product based upon ‘what it can do’ for many users. Complicating matters, is the fact that we’re a huge public company which needs to ‘make its numbers’ and so there are a multitude of stakeholders (business units) pushing to promote the features of the products they’re responsible for. We know this. As users we also know what we want in an upgrade. We want to know the stability, fixes, new features of a new product. However as salespeople we’re so in trenched with balancing the desires of stakeholders who are not responsible for each others ‘numbers’. The scary thing is that, in being blind to other products, they’re doing their job. You can’t expect someone from the Flash team to know the InDesign team’s objectives, as much as Adobe needs to care about what Cisco’s objectives are. Sure communication between teams occur from time to time, but what that really comes down to is ‘what can your team do to help us meet our objectives’. Its not ignorance, just the natural consequences being a huge company. Acknowledging this is the first step in breaking the boundaries of complexity.

Referencing ‘Made to Stick’ by Chip and Dan Heath,

“Becoming an expert in something means that we become more and more fascinated by nuance and complexity. That’s when the Curse of Knowledge kicks in, and we start to forget what it’s like not to know what we know…”

Because we have the ability to capitulate on internal knowledge of our product, we overlook how effective ‘simplicity’ can be when we acknowledge that “A designer knows he has achieved perfection not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.”

Slap on the wrist

“When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things…”

I got a ‘talkin to’ last Friday. Actually it was a “What the FUCK were you thinking sending out an email to (a large group of co-workers)’!”

My answer: “What’s the problem?”

Boss: “The problem is that you don’t FUCKING just send shit out like that to everyone.”

Me: “I don’t want to work at a company that doesn’t allow me to voice my opinion. This goes beyond work for me.”

Boss: “You work for a corporation. This isn’t FUCKING art!”

————

I’ll stop the rest of the conversation from here. They mostly contain expletives and emotional rage.

I’m 32 and still believe that design matters. Everything I create is a painful process for me because I CARE about the output. I care about design and usability to the point that I become an emotional wreck. I want others to remember to care. There are many that have in the past, and many who still do. But something is happening. Every time I look around there are less of us. Something distracts them and they take other paths.

That very same thing is starting to make me forget. Infusing me with self-doubt. Telling me that the things that I’m holding onto don’t matter. And the scary thing is that I’m starting to believe, that its true. My spirit is dying, and my work is suffering. “I don’t believe in it, so why should I put so much energy into it?”

————

Picture a soldier. He starts off with a belief. It get nurtured through training. His focus is clear. He believes that he can make a difference. He believes that he WILL make a difference.

Now, imagine him stepping off the ship onto the shores. He is weighted down with the supplies he will need for battle -food rations, ammo, rifle, extra clothes, canteen, etc.. All of these things are essential in his battle to ‘make a difference’ -to battle an enemy who hinders progress and wants to turn the world’s people into a hive-mind. For his enemy there is no place for individuality, progress can only be made through the direction of ‘The Board’, it knows what’s best for the world, and individual freedoms are a threat that needs to be contained.

As the soldier ventures forward, years pass and he begins to forget what he is fighting for. His comrades slowly fade away. Some join the opposition. Others lose their minds. They fade away is if they never existed. They have forgotten themselves, and the world has as well.

Still something pushes the soldier forward. His supplies become lighter. The walk heavier. But his feet keep moving. He wants to believe that he can make a difference, but maybe its all just a fairy tale, an ideal which exists in an alternate world with unicorns and tin men. Even so, even if it can’t be possible in his world, its still important for him to believe in. For it is ideal which moves him forward. He will die, but be reborn in a world in which it exists.

A card stuck to the side of the fridge

Originally published on September 6, 2012

Just got off the phone with my cousin Alex who’s currently on a nation-wide tour with his band, The Paper Raincoat. This is a guy who’s always been an inspiration for me growing up -one of the few people that I can look back on who have helped point me to where I am today. After our talk, I started thinking about not only his, but how the creative nature/sense/ability of my father’s side of my family has left an imprint on my life. Not only are we creative in nature, but, and this is important, being Asian, we have struggled with accepting and feeling accepted by our family to pursue our careers and ultimately our destiny. If anything, it shows me that you can’t staunch natural creativity. Sooner or later, it has to come out. It is a gift bestowed upon for a reason. To influence and inspire others. It needs to be seen. Every note that played, every word that is written, every brushstroke, and every website that is designed and experienced by others, makes a difference. And like the butterfly effect, sends waves through humanity, adding to the modern-day zietgeist around us.

Being one of the youngest cousins I was more of an observer to their fanatical lifestyles. Always wishing to join in, but being too intimated to do so. I couldn’t speak their language, and I felt pressured whenever placed into a social situation with them. However, it never stopped me from looking up to them and mimicking them in my need to belong. Proving that I existed to them, would prove that I existed in the world.

Presently my inspiration comes from Alex. It all started with a card stuck to the side of a fridge. I must have been around 9 at the time, but remember it so clearly. It was a drawing of Garfield jumping out of a pile of money thanking our grandmother. Being a huge Garfield fan, I was amazed at his ability to mimic the artist’s style so accurately. I must have stared at it for awhile, studying every nuance, and thinking of ways that I could create something if not as good, but better (Seems as if I always had a competitive streak). For years, I drew Garfield on everything, from cards to wrapping paper. It got so bad that my parents, misunderstanding my true intentions, started buying me Garfield pillows, bed sheets, stuffed animals, stickers, etc..

Flash forward to college, and Alex working at Razorfish as a graphic designer. Flash forward 2 years later and I’m working as a graphic designer at Sapient. Working through the dot.com boom.

These days he’s out on international tours with various bands, doing exactly what he was meant to do. Living a life without an office, fancy car, a six-figure salary. In the end, isn’t this what life is all about? For him, its been a long journey towards acceptance. He still worries about what the family thinks about his lifestyle, but he shouldn’t. Because it doesn’t matter. Happiness matters. Living matters. You are born alone, you are responsible with how you live your live in-between life and death. Thomas Jefferson had it right when he wrote the Declaration of Independence and included the words, “-(we) are endowed by (our) Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness”. With these truths we should also remember that the pursuit is the harder road to take in today’s culture. We are brought up with the notion of conservative self-preservation, one that is built on more money than we actually need. What we forget is that money is only a means to an end. Money is an enabler. It gives us the freedom to pursue our destiny, our dreams, our love for life. Its not about accumulating it over time to spend in our golden years. Its to be used now, for in our ‘selfish’ pursuits, it is the now where we can affect the most change.

Feelin’ a Bit Rand-y

I’ve almost finished Ayn Rand’s ‘Atlas Shrugged’. It’s definitely more ‘cult-like’ and extreme in nature when compared to ‘The Fountainhead’. Even still, her yearning for society to find their individualism in a world in which it is easily lost and sacrificed rings out to me.

It is true that we are taught that self-immolation is the highest of virtues, and that the fruits of our labor ought to be distributed to those in need. In Rand’s view this notion is evil, and self-sacrifice need be replaced by selfishness. This is her ‘objective’ reality. This is the basis of her life’s work. I can understand to a certain degree -and even agree. There have been a lot of times in which I’ve questioned the virtue of self-immolation without reason. It’s something that, honestly, I could never find reason to honor -the conclusion leaving me feeling guilty and evil. All my life I’ve been questioning ‘goodness’ and what it means, and it seems so intangible, so unattainable, so subjective in nature that I can’t ever feel confidence in ‘being good’.

Then again, I can’t live in Rand’s cold world -a world which selfishness and happiness is found within the individuals own morality. Objectivity definitely exists, A is A in a lot of situations. I also believe that true happiness must be found in oneself and being proud of one’s accomplishments and not necessarily in giving ‘alms’ to the undeserved. But I can’t believe that everything is so black and white and that virtue and happiness can come from a multitude of sources -not just from oneself and their own world. I look at Rand’s world and her characters as ideals -her ideals which can never be fully realized because it is flawed and extreme in nature.

What is ‘need’? Who is needy? What determines neediness from helping those who are able to help themselves? There are definitely people out there in ‘need’ -people who are born in impossible situations which requires the ‘virtue’ of others to step in a help. But who are they?

In Rand’s world, you are either a creator or a ‘leech’/’second-hander’. What about those who are born with physical handicaps? What of those who are born in war-torn nations? When she speaks of ‘savages’ she speaks as if the ‘unfortunate’ are victims of their own inability to survive -and thus ‘leech’ off those who can. In my opinion that is where she falls short-sided. It is in this view that intellect fails.

In any case, she has made me question what the value of self-sacrifice, or rather the meaning of it, really is, and what I, as an individual does with it.

Friends as Bosses

There are days that you do things that you regret, but can’t take back. It’s like taking an elevator with a bunch of co-workers and farting. Everyone feels uncomfortable but are too polite and embarrassed to say anything. Meanwhile you have 15 more floors to go.

I was in a meeting with six other people and basically told my boss to ‘shut up’. OK, it wasn’t exactly “shut up” but more like, “I have a problem with you opening your mouth”. I forget exactly what he said to prompt me to such an ill-timed, unprofessional response amongst colleges/clients. It’s not that I’m intentionally mean, it’s just that when I’m in a train of thought and someone interrupts or someone says something offensive I get derailed and say things without thinking about the setting I’m in. Also, my boss is actually my friend and we often joke around outside of work so maybe that has something to do with it. The same thing happened when I was at frog when i told my friend/boss that he made the stupidest design decision (and other things).

If anything I’ve learned that having a friend as a boss can be difficult, and to think about where we are when I decide to insult them.

Time for a change

Sometimes it takes awhile to realize what it is that nags at your core. For a creative, its the yearning to do something revolutionary, to express oneself and go beyond the ordinary.

For the last couple of years, I've woken up feeling a strange sense of loss and emptiness that I couldn't trace. Was it that I wasn't growing as an interactive designer? It certainly seemed plausible and I focused my goals on creating something new, to come up with something that the digital world would take notice of, to create a new form of interaction and usability. Now I realize that those are all catch-phrases instilled within me by working in the world of corporate media -trying to push boundaries and ideas through, only to have them pulled back to the familiar, risk-reduced form of the ordinary.

I've gotten compliments on my design style, but to me that's all it is -style; nothing new, nothing pushing me past the familiar use of shapes, colors, grids, fonts, drop shadows, gradients, and all the other things that, while effective, are restrictive in their options.

I've tried focusing in on the strategy and conceptualization of projects thinking that it would strengthen my final designs as well as my growth as a designer. However, I quickly realized that, while this is a effective path to take, it isn't MY path. While it has made my designs 'smarter', the emptiness hasn't dissipated.

At some point in life, the soul forces the conscious mind to take a journey to find it. It can be frustrating and painful, and you quickly realize that it would be so easy to ignore its voice until it becomes but a whisper. As cliche as it is, it truly is a fork in the road -a choice to either take the climb or descent, and unlike other decisions there are no grays.

For the last couple of years, I've picked up hints, analyzed them, came up with hypotheses, and have followed different routes. Each exploration has taught me more about myself, spawned more hints, and brought me closer, but as of yet, the puzzle hasn't been solved.

Now it's time to make another hypothesis and this time it requires me to make a big change in my career and to somewhat abandon the field that I've worked in for over 10 years.

UI design, the early years

January 2005

I never really thought of it before but the industry that i work for, in a general sense, is actually REALLY significant in changing the ways in which people live and interact in the world. In a lot of ways people are people and will react to new things based upon basic instinct, and in this way, nothing is really ‘new’ and alien enough to warrant genuine dumbfoundedness.

I suppose what’s really hitting me now is the fact that a lot of what my collegues and i do is fabricated and tested as we go along. We’re literally at the forefront, working with variables we manipulate and are able to see almost instantaneous results in the advancements in communication and exchange of ideas. It’s just amazing to think that my job entails such a huge responsibility and appreciation of this opportunity is a huge part of what keeps me going on.